i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
