come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
