remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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