you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
