Jerry, you need to find god
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
