i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
