Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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