K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize