who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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