Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
