just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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