Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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