I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
