i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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