I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
