Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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