Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
