I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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