All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
