Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
