Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
