i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
