Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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