I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
