Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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