Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
