if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
