I am spending my child support on dildos
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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