He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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