brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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