Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
