He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize