If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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