I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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