dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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