i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
