Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
my liver is dry heaving
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
