i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
