I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
