Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
A+ Viking dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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