so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
