apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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