I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
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I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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