3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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