I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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