I love having hate sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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