There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
