I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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