HIV tests are more positive than that guy
too bad you live with your parents still
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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