yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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