i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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