my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
