There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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