Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
honey bunches of taint.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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