my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
