Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
