I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
