I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
