The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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