So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
