She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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