You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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