i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
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I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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